We always knew that home education was a real and viable alternative to school but bar a 30 second "Ooo maybe" moment when my eldest was 2 years old, I never really thought it was a viable option for us. Mainly because the onus would be on me as the work-at-home parent and I felt that I wasn't capable, too impatient, too scared of getting it wrong, not enough imagination. Fill in the blanks with whatever fear you wish to come up with. Also because, although our parents and families thought we were a little bit 'hippy', we weren't that hippy, that weird! Because only hippies and the parents of expelled kids home educate, right?
So the term after my eldest's 4th birthday she started reception class at our local school. And I won't lie, it was (and is) a lovely village school with a real community feel about it. It's rural, and small (70 children between the ages of 4 and 11), has teachers who actually seem to give a shit and communicated well with the parents, and there was a small, but active, group of parents running the PTA who organised all sorts of events and activities. Both my husband and I were keen to be a part of this community and for a while we were both involved in the PTA - I did a stint as secretary, my husband took on the mantel of chairperson.
However, life has a funny way of not quite going the way you anticipate. Like lots of children she wasn't overly enthusiastic about going, for the first term there were regular tears but that seemed to settle in time. But then something happened that blew our world apart... we lost our second daughter - stillborn at term - and our (adult) emotions and state of mind were thrown into upheaval. Even so, it seemed to be important to allow our daughter to keep her routine, to have the support of the school community, and they were great. She was old enough to understand enough of what had happened though, she spoke about it in the guileless way that young children have, and she kept us going (although we did our very best to avoid the pressure of her knowing that). For a while, us adults were broken, but then I became pregnant again with our youngest daughter and the sun began to shine once more.
At the same time we noticed our eldest was less and less happy about going to school. Mornings became a battle, there were announcements of headaches, or tummy aches, or sickness and other feelings of being unwell. There were daily meltdowns over cleaning the teeth or getting dressed or packing bags and it got to the point there were increasing numbers of days where we were taking her into the classroom just to get her into school - rather than her willingly catching the bus, or being dropped at the school gate. By time she came home from school she was often exhausted, she barely spoke, barely made eye contact, zoned out in front of the TV. Weekends were recovery days spent building back up to school on Monday again. It got worse after our youngest was born - which, although predictable on one level made us unhappy as parents to see it. And this was just in Year 1, which in Wales is still the Foundation Phase (learning through play) - how would things be once she moved up a year or two and started getting homework? Add into all of this the fact my husband's work shifts often meant he was in work before she got up, and didn't get home until she was in bed, or was working all weekend so barely saw her and we began to wonder if there was a better way for us all.
The thing is, I know lots of families struggle with their children going to school. Lots of families face the morning battles, the tummy aches, the tears. Lots of families push their child to school believing it's the best thing they can do for their children and lots of families work all the hours and barely see their children through no fault of their own. And maybe they're right in the way they do things; and maybe we're wrong in the decision we took.
We didn't take it lightly.
We talked. And talked. And talked. All the fears I had about how it would work, whether I could do it with my eldest at home as well as a baby, whether I'd be letting my eldest down. Over and over again.
We finally made the decision.
On 1st September 2015 I took a de-registration letter into the school and (apologetically, I will admit) handed it over. When you feel a school has failed your child it's easy to be angry and turn your back on it. Handing over the letter must feel more like a relief (so I've read from other HE-ers). But my eldest's old school hadn't failed her, they'd done their best, so handing over the letter made me feel quite sad.
But as a parent, not only do you want to do the best for your children, you also want to do the best for your family. And that's what we're trying to do.
And so our Home Ed-venture began :)
Now several months have past (it's February 2016 as I'm writing this) and we're still trying to figure out what we're doing. It's not quite what I expected - for now we seem to have fallen into the autonomous learning route via an extended period of deschooling. To be honest *I* haven't deschooled still, I'm still adjusting. The Silly Dad (my husband) seems to have got into the more relaxed mindset much more quickly than me. So really, this blog is for me, to make a note of what we do, so I've got a record of whatever 'learning' I think (I hope!) is happening. To make sure there's a record of the appropriate education that we are legally obligated to provide - an education appropriate to my R's emotional and intellectual needs. And maybe, in time, for G's too. Who knows? One thing I have learnt over the past few years is to keep an open mind to all options.
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